My tour with VIOLENT J + LIL EAZY E was the best!!!!!!

Growing up was hard for me. At 14 I had just got back to Canada from Jamaica, was completely traumatized from my experiences there with my family dismantling, and being bullied pretty badly in school for being the only white person some of my peers had ever seen. Picture me, same height and weight as I am now, hair bleached from the sun, so dark I looked mixed, wearing weird clothes and speaking with a jamaican accent. I didn't fit in with anyone. I found myself a team of rejects. We had each other. We didn't need anybody else.

One of my friends, Jesse, told me he was a juggalo. I had no idea what that meant so he sent me home with 'The Great Milenko'. It was everything to me. I spent hours crafting fanpages. We dissected the lyrics in class. I bought an ICP t-shirt to go with my Slipknot hoodie.

Life happened after that. Drugs. Grouphomes. Fistfights. Heartbreak. I drifted away from listening to music and into my own notebooks. My rap career started in a smoky car full of boys with pockets full of drugs and money... By 16 I knew this is what i'd be doing with my life. In a way, rap saved me. When things got to be too much (and that happened a lot) I could retreat into my notebooks.

Fast forward. 27 years old. Feeling pretty ruined and empty from the music industry and I get a call about going on tour with Violent J. It felt so weird and out of pocket for me at first. Like. Really? I hadn't been regarded as a rapper for what felt like a very long time. J and I got on the phone at one point, for about 30 minutes. He said "Be a juggalo, you could be the queen." I recoiled and told him "We'll see how tour goes." I imagine he took it personally but I just couldn't bring myself to commit to rap. Loving rap had hurt me. I told him that rap felt like a hobby at this point and that I was super depressed just in general. He told me to listen to Lost + Found but I didn't know what music could give to me after everything it had taken away. I half listened then played guitar in my bedroom until 3am trying to figure out what to feel.

The first show was hard. I was terrified that you wouldn't think I was good enough, that you wouldn't like me.… but the second I put my foot on the stage with a mic in my hand i felt it all melt away. I felt like I was home. That night, hearing Violent J perform songs that had at one point meant so much to me, helped me reconnect to that 14 year old girl. It made me look at my journey, and everything I'd been through to get where I was. For the first time in a long time it made me believe in myself. You guys showed me so much love. Thank you. You have lit something inside of me that was on the verge of being extinguished completely.

I had a friend from Seattle drive out to tattoo the word 'HERE' on my arm, in hopes that I never forget where I am. I was lost, but now I'm found.

Thank you to Violent J, Bill, Rob, Matt & everyone at psychopathic for giving me this experience.

I love you all.


Last night when i got to the stage the soundgirl hadn't turned on the lines yet, unaware, I tried to start doing my set. I couldn't hear anything. The crowd started chanting "ICP" over me, booing and telling me to get off the stage. Keeping my eye on the crowd in case someones decided to throw a bottle,I cut the track, stood in the middle of the stage, and spent 2 minutes getting the sound right while people screamed the worst things at me. When i felt like it was workable I said 'F it' and just ran 'who i be'. 2 bars in the entire room was silenced. After my first track i had them all chanting MY name. The crowd loved me.

I guess my point is that somehow the worst moment managed to turn into one of the best nights.

Thanks so much to everyone who was there. I don't mind proving myself to you, but hopefully you're not so quick to judge a female rapper next time.


(All photos are by KAVAN THE KID)

Growing up in Canada I never thought I'd ever do anything like this. Touring accross my country with one (now TWO) of my favorite bands.

Alex, Cody, me, Jack and Dan

I sort of expected to just be SEE THROUGH to these guys the whole tour (lol @ insecurities) but Dan texted me pre-tour to let me know 'HEY WE'RE HOMIES' and then after talking to Cody I figured out it was going to be a P-A-R-T-Y. I'm jealous of Set it Off's life. HOW DO THEY DO IT? They party every night, work out every day (yeah. i saw them sweat. you're jealous.), have the BEST attitudes and outlook, and everyone they roll with is just an awesome human. The one moment that really blew my mind was when there was a problem with the sound and everything died, and I would have made that awkward as FUCK, but Cody? He just jumped right in the crowd then did an acoustic set. It was beautiful.

Jack and Alex (and their super biz tour manager Bryan) would be like "Hey! Come hang!" but i reserved all my hanging til the very last night, when i popped the bottle of moet they got me (and i forgot about) in my hometown, drank mostly all of it, and ran around screaming about my Fantasy Football team (which was killing it) and my stomach Doug. Me in my highest form no doubt. I've been told i'm "a lot to handle" so I try to give myself to people in tiny little obnoxious doses. It's v chill. All Time Low is the best band I've ever seen live, and i'm even more of a fan post tour. Their fans are amazing. They're great. I'm dick eating. I need to stop. They're perfect.

But that's the end of the tour. How'd we get here so quickly? We need to rewind like 17 days.

The initial drive to Portland was long but awesome. We spent our first night in a Cracker Barrel parking lot. We stopped in Chicago to eat deep dish and get in a quick rehearsal. We felt punk as fuck rehearsing in a moving RV, (think HOLDING GEAR so it doesn't slide of tables, and falling into eachother, while Kavan drove like 80 miles an hour. Basically rehearsing during an earthquake). We stopped in Salem, MA and bought spells. Kavan got one for improving psychic ability, and I got one for finding treasures. I found like FIVE dead bugs but Kavan went under a bridge and took our AC unit almost clean off so i don't think his worked all that well….

Follow Charles, Danny and Kavan.

Rehearsing on the RV with @dnny and @thedimestorenovelist, @kavanthekid is the captain.

Rehearsing on the RV with @dnny and @thedimestorenovelist, @kavanthekid is the captain.

Tour life is crazy. You're sleeping like 4 hours a night. Loading in at 3pm, then setting up merch, sound checking at 5pm, performing at 7pm then hanging out with all the kids who felt your set untill 11:30, then hopping in a car to drive like 5 hours, rolling into hotels at 5am, sleeping til 11am, then driving the last few hours to the next destination and doing it all again. So you're basically torturing yourself physically for WEEKS, and the weirdest thing about it? The shows make it worth it. They made me so high.

Winnipeg was fun AF!

It was also incredible to see almost every one of my best friends ever in a span of 17 days. We talked about all the mushroom trips and how hungry I was and how I always knew I'd be doing shit like this and nobody believed me. They updated me on my enemies and how sad their lives are (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FEEELS NICE WINNING BITCH), but most importantly, being in the old places with the old peeps forced me to reflect on my journey. I love these people right here.


Anyways. The last show was 5 days ago and I'm STILL buzzing with excitement. I've been doing everything i can think of to try and level out. Yoga (fuck u yoga is great), tomato juice (? ), cuddling bruce (who has a sick new pink hawk), smoking fatttt bowls and trying to remember to breathe.

A big thank you to everyone who made my nights what they were, you know who you are. I seriously loved meeting all of you. I keep cycling through the crowds, the moments and your faces in my head trying not to forget anything. I just want to keep this forever.

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Hopefully I see you guys soon! For those who keep asking, the music i performed isn't out yet... except for MADE IN GOLD which is basically everywhere.

Later dudes.

Leaving for tour on Friday.

I'm really excited about this tour. On Friday I'm shoving a few of my favorite friends (KavanDanny & Charles) into a 30 foot RV, and starting the trip to Portland, Maine. Out first show with ALL TIME LOW and SET IT OFF is on the 17th, then we drive up to Montreal, down to RIOTFEST in Toronto, then all the way back to Vancouver.  

This won't be my first time driving accross Canada. I toured years ago with R.A. The Ruggedman and Killah Priest. That tour was fucked up. I trusted some idiot kid to do a lot of the heavy lifting when I should have done it all myself. Everyone ended up getting ripped off and I almost kicked the shit out of someone who i once considered one of my best friends. My boyfriend and I fought the entire way, broke up in Toronto and I didn't even go to my last show. My last night of that tour was spent at a party in Niagara falls contemplating taking my own life. I did what I always did in that situation. I got really fucking high, I skyped Tom , and made out with one of my enemies. I've always had a thing for people I hate.  

Thats how I remember that tour. It was sad and pathetic and depressing and weird and uncomfortable and real as fuck. My life was often all of those things... But the moments where everything felt ok was when I was on stage.

I know this tour will be different. Being in pain used to make me feel so alive, and as Friday gets closer, I feel a different kind of ALIVE. I'm HAPPY and EXCITED and I can't wait to get out there and see you guys and make these memories with my friends.

So, with that being said, this tour means A LOT to me, so GET TICKETS, and if you can't afford it, remember when I'm going to be coming through your city so we can meet up and smash a quick 40 after the show. My 347 number won't be active in Canada, so i'll post my canadian number when I get it. 

Guys i'm jacked. 


H1987 - Dear Nova


I struggled with a lot of things growing up, but I always felt like there was SOMETHING pulling me through the things I couldn't get through on my own. Just recently I realized that "something" was myself. Here's to the late nights I didn't think I would live through, and overcoming all the things that life throws at you. If you feel it please SHARE. Produced by H1987 (who is INCREDIBLE, please check out his work) Vid by Me + Kavan

Posted by Nova Rockafeller on Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Convenience Store Sessions

Well that dream came true. I got to do my favorite thing in my favorite place. Perform with a band within 5 feet of nacho cheese. Danny got so sick after this video because I made him drink enough milk to die. Steve knew better.