5 Ways I fight my depression
Some days I just wake up feeling like human garbage. I don’t know why, but suddenly there are clouds and I don’t want to get out of bed. Additionally, everything that seemed fun and exciting yesterday suddenly seems stupid and like a waste of my time.
This is my action plan for when I wake up and feel awful.
1. ARGUE WITH DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS
When I’m depressed my brain gets caught in a cycle, and all I can think about is how lonely, stupid, boring, or ugly I feel, how much of a failure my career is, how my boyfriend couldn’t possibly actually love me and how I should just die. The worst part, is all of these terrible things are in my voice, in my head. They’re so easy to believe and get sucked into.
The first thing I do is mentally distance myself from all of these thoughts. I stop the pattern, close the thought like a tab on my internet browser and then take a mental step back and think to myself something along the lines of “You’re thinking a lot of awful shit about yourself right now., and your judgement is clouded by a bunch of awful feelings and the last thing you need right now is a bully.”
I am constantly telling the mean person inside of me to SHUT THE FUCK UP. I think about how i would react if someone else said those things to me. When someone starts telling me I’m WORTHLESS, or STUPID, or UGLY, I usually feel really bad for the person lashing out at me because they must be in a really tough place to be acting like that, and I ignore whatever criticism they’re trying to throw at me to make themselves feel better. So that’s what I do. I feel bad for myself, but I tune out the negativity.
I may have to do this all day, but it’s worth it.
2. GET READY FOR THE DAY.
This part sucks. The last thing I want to do is stare at myself in a mirror for 15 minutes but it is SO IMPORTANT to change out of my pajamas, wash my face and brush my hair. Even if I just use a Face Cleansing Pad, my hair ends up back into a messy bun and i really only changed into clean sweatpants, this is an easy way I can show myself love. If i need an extra distraction, I’ll throw on a podcast like Risk!
3. DO THINGS I DON’T WANT TO DO, BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ANYWAYS.
Next I tackle things that suck - laundry, dishes, organization, etc. I hate folding clothes but why leave a giant pile of laundry for tomorrow when I might actually feel better? Today is going to suck anyways. Laundry sucks. So.. It’s kind of … a win-win? It’s also an easy win. I can walk away from 30 minutes of doing laundry feeling like at least i accomplished something.. also? It’s SELF CARE.
I do this as lazily as possible and I put on a really shitty reality TV show (Think… Love Island or 90 day fiance…. Don’t judge me) and it may take me an hour to fold 10 towels and i may end up mostly snuggling my dog and watching TV, but eventually I can complete the task. I take a lot of breaks, I take a lot of shortcuts, but I make progress and I keep reminding myself that today doesn’t have to be good, but I do have to try to at least make a little space for a better day tomorrow.
4. GIVE MYSELF A BREAK
If my brain is telling me to slow down, then maybe I just need to fucking chill. I grab a book, play a videogame or listen to a podcast and have the laziest work out session of all time. The most important part? I STAY THE FUCK OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA.
There’s nothing healthy about mindlessly scrolling on facebook. There’s also nothing truly entertaining about it so I put my phone away and just be with myself… while at the same time trying to be COMPLETELY distracted from how i’m feeling.
5. MAKE A LIST
At the end of a bad day, or sometimes at the beginning of one, I’ll pull out my notebook, summarize the day, make a super easy to-do list (that honestly might include totally basic and easy things like making coffee or getting out of bed) along with a few goals i have for myself. Like this:
Today wasn't great,
I felt sad and got stuck in a cycle of really bad thoughts.
Tomorrow will be better.
TO DO:
-Get out of bed before 11am
-Make myself coffee
-Process the orders from my store
-Do yoga
-Shower
-Stop bad thoughts when I notice them
-Phone a family member
When i’m not feeling well I’ll honestly make a lot of lists. They give me a little bit of purpose, and crossing things off of them helps me feel like I’m actually accomplishing something. Once I get started on doing shit it’s easier for me to keep going, and I am definitely someone who doesn’t want to let depression stop me and when I can actually get shit done despite being depressed? I feel like I’m winning the war.
Anyways, I hope this helps someone, somewhere. I’m not perfect, and neither is my approach to my depression but I do know one thing: The clouds will break, you just have to hang in there.
Leave me a comment and let me know how YOU fight, and if you need a soundtrack for today’s battle, go watch my music video for Genghis Khan.
-Nova